@ 1988 JHL

You’re Just An Idiot If…

1. …you wear your pants so low you can see your kneecaps; however, you might make new friends in prison.
2. …you dye your hair in a color which doesn’t exist normally in nature.
3. …you expect full service at a self-service gas station or do-it-yourself hardware / warehouse store.
4. …you still think rude behavior is a sign of sophistication or status.
5. …you can’t remember if you wiped after your last trip to the bathroom -- and you still smell like “ass”.
6. …you try to run red lights just because you’re in such a hurry to get where you’re going. Are you that much in a hurry to die or kill someone else?
7. …you still haven’t learned how to flush a public toilet.
8. …you think it’s okay to empty your ashtray from your car onto a parking lot or beside the road.
9. …you can’t drive or walk down the street without a phone stuck in your ear.
10. …you think you can be rude to any salesperson on Sunday after church since you’ve been cleansed of your sins and it is now the start of a new “sin week” -- after all, there is a quota, isn’t there?
11. …you think a Canadian goose is a pinch on the butt by someone from Montreal.
12. …you think you’re so important to the other six billion people in the world.
13. …your IQ and the number of the highest-grade level you completed are equal.
14. …it takes you more than 3 attempts to: parallel park; enter your pin number; remember your zip code; count to 10 without starting over or repeating yourself; or walk a straight line on the side of the highway.
15. …you never learned to use your turn signals properly.
16. …you drink and drive.
17. …you’re a bigot.
18. …you use the Bible as a weapon.
19. …you judge others, “least ye be judged”.
20. …you think your sexual preference is the only one allowed.
21. …you can’t remember the names of all the people you’ve pissed off.
22. …you can’t remember the names of all the people you’ve slept with.
23. …what you demand of others you lack in yourself.
24. …you treat your partner like a servant when your favorite TV show/sport/game is on.
25. …you demand perfections from others and not yourself.
26. …your opinion sounds just like everybody else’s.
27. …you think your place of employment would have to shut their doors if you ever called in sick.
28. …your ego is so big it can’t be contained in a thimble.
29. …your pet attempts suicide to get away from you.
30. …your pet cowers in the corner when you get home.
31. …your kids cower in the corner when you get home.
32. …you think the only good use for your two hands is to choke the crap out of somebody.
33. …you appear more than once on the TV show “Cops”.
34. …you appear at all on “Jerry Springer”.
35. …you believe everything you see on “Jerry Springer” is the God’s honest truth.
36. …more than one member of your family could be the father to your girlfriend’s baby.
37. …you applaud every time someone speaks of the “fun” side of drinking and drugs.
38. …you think alcohol and drugs are good excuses for bad behavior.
39. …you try to make up your mind but there’s nothing there to make up.
40. …you believe your indecisiveness is a sure sign of power.
41. …you’re consistently 15 minutes late wherever you go -- why don’t you just get up 15 minutes earlier?
42. …your excuses for not doing something right exceed your ability to do it right the first time.
43. …you believe that “hooting and hollering” is what it takes to “make it a party, dude”.
44. …you can’t comprehend what “comprehend” means.
45. …you can’t accept someone else’s understanding of their own reality simply because you haven’t experienced the same things they have.
46. …your idea of “justice” means you’ve won and they’ve lost.
47. …you think it’s okay to ask God to kill your enemies for you, or make their lives miserable.
48. …you blame others for your inabilities.
49. …you had no choice to start drinking or taking drugs and therefore have no choice but to continue using.
50. …you’re not to blame for your actions while drunk or under the influence of drugs.
51. …you believe your religion is the one true religion.
52. …you think you deserve respect just because you may have a lot of money.
53. …you can’t believe God’s power is greater than you can imagine in His creation of other Earth-like worlds in the vast universe.
54. …you are close-minded to all possibilities beyond your own grasp.
55. …you believe that no one could possibly understand the problems you are going through.
56. …your life has to be a soap opera to have meaning or excitement.
57. …you can’t talk about any subject except “gossip”.
58. …you know more about your neighbor’s problems than your own.
59. …you think the world deserves to provide for you simply because you’ve reached the age where you’ve stopped pooping your pants.
60. …your only close friends are those you’ve never met in person via the internet.
61. …being a jerk is your claim to fame.
62. …you think being a good listener means that others must agree with your ideas or suggestions.
63. …your entire life story is based on lies.
64. …other’s definition of who “you” are and your own definition of who “you” are, are polar opposites.
65. …you think the rest of the world really cares.
66. …you think your shit doesn’t stink, asshole.