The More I Work Retail, The More I Hate People! @2003 JHL

The More I Work Retail,

The More I HATE People !

The more I work in the retail industry the more I see what people are really like out in public. And it’s not a pretty sight.

Impatient

People are so impatient. Everybody seems to want things “NOW!” Heaven help them if they had to wait over 60 seconds for anything. Take any checkout line at any store; and especially the new “user-friendly” self-checkout lines at grocery and other stores—sacrilege! I’ve heard comments such as “I hate these things, I want a REAL human being to wait on me”; “I’m not going to pick it out and then ring it up myself, I expect someone else to do it for me”; “If I can’t have a person help me I’ll just go somewhere else” (and wait in yet another line?); “I don’t use self-check outs and I don’t go to cafeterias because I want to be waited on”. I bet they all wish they had someone to wipe their asses for them, too. I really think the problem is “Intelligence” here. It seems men in particular HATE self-check outs because they are afraid of the “machine”—they don’t’ want to look ridiculous because they can’t comprehend how to work the damn things. And women! They talk back to the lady’s voice. I’m sure companies have spent millions of dollars trying to get the soft-spoken, perfect intonation, perfect wording, perfect accented lady to do the voice for those machines—and the money is shot all to hell when the female customers talk back to the “bitch” who won’t shut up “talking” at them. I’ve literally heard women talk back to the machines and walk away saying “she’s a real bitch isn’t she?” Imagine that—a bitchy machine. Women just don’t want to be outdone by another woman—real or not. Bring it down a notch or two and relax; be patient.

People are in such a hurry on the highways. Have you noticed the increase in Red-Light-Runners in the last few years. Used to, you would never see anyone run a red light. Now you have to see that every car doesn’t run it. And now we’re spending millions of dollars installing intersection cameras to catch these red-light-runners—these impatient people. And watch out for the guy tail-gating you because you aren’t going fast enough to suit him. Or the slowpoke you are tailgating because he’s going to slow for you. Why don’t you just pull over and rest a bit—you shouldn’t be that emotionally involved in driving anyway. Be patient.

And fast-food restaurants and regular sit-down restaurants. I’ve actually seen people’s eyes glaze over as they wait for their food, with their mouths salivating in anticipation. People actually resort to being “animals” when food is concerned. And heaven help the poor waiter/server who gets the order wrong—it’s death by humiliation and ridicule. Such civilized people aren’t we. Most of us don’t get to join in the hunt for the food, or the preparation of it. We just expect it to be ready when WE want it to be ready. Fortunately most of us don’t have to hunt and kill our own food anymore—we’ve become lazy, so we expect others to do all the dirty work and then serve us up a plate full—like we are all kings of the jungle. I think people would love to see a new breed of cattle—one that feeds itself, slaughters itself, prepares itself and delivers itself to our table—just cut out the middle men altogether. Direct-delivery food. You’re eating so fast anyway, do you actually TASTE what you’re eating? Or, is it just “open the mouth and past the gums, look out stomach here it comes”? Why not try CHEWING your food—you might realize you don’t actually like what you’re eating—and perhaps you won’t eat as much and lose some weight, huh?

If there was a national crisis in this country people would KILL each other if they had to wait in any line longer than 60 seconds—gas, food, water, clothing, cigarettes, beer, arsenic--ANYTHING! We are all in such a hurry—hurry up and die seems to be our motto. There’s not enough time in the day to be waited on and served. Where do we find the time to live? We’re so much in a hurry to get through and finish.

Try a little patience. Speed isn’t everything. If you slow down you may find you might actually be living LONGER!

Church Lady

December 1, 2007

While working at the returns desk at a do-it-yourself warehouse store, a group of two ladies and a gentleman came up to the Service Desk. The older lady said she had special-ordered 16 small poinsettias and had received a call from the lady in the garden department that they had arrived. The lady at the Service Desk checked on her computer to locate the poinsettias but couldn’t find their location listed. The lady was irate.

Since I could hear the lady’s yelling from 25 feet away I went over to see if I could help. I told the service desk lady that when I arrived this morning I saw a box marked “Perishable—Live Plants” and that the garden person had moved it. Unfortunately our garden associate was at lunch at this particular time of the day.

The service desk person called an associate to find the box. All the time the lady was yelling and demanding service. As our new associate walked off to look for the box, the lady caught up to him and yelled, “Where are my flowers?”

This associate politely said, “I’m trying to find them for you.”

The lady replied, shaking a pointed finger in his face, “NO! You won’t TRY, you WILL find my flowers!”

Well, he did manage to locate the box. The group came up to my register to check out. The lady told me she wanted to look in the box and see her flowers. I opened the box and noticed that there appeared to be more than 16 in the box and said so.

“NO! I only want 16!” she yelled.

“Well, Mamm ’m thinking we had to order a minimum of 24 in order to get your 16”.

“But, I only want 16!”

“Well, just pick out 16 and leave the rest”, I said as I started to reach in and take out the plants.

“DON”T CRUSH THEM!” she yelled.

I hadn’t even touched the first flower.

“They have to be PERFECT!” she demanded.

I replied, “Then, why don’t you pick out the ones you consider perfect and we’ll just leave the rest”.

“I want the box they came in!”

I agreed to let her have the box.

She continued, “I’m going to call your garden associate on Monday and order some 8” poinsettias and they must be perfect, AND they MUST, MUST be in gold foil, not this green stuff”.

I told her I would let our garden associate know this new information.

The customer pulled every one of the 24 plants out of the box and looked each one over carefully and managed to select 16 she liked. I didn’t dare try to put the selected plants back into the box—she and her friend did that as I began to ring up the sale.

“This will be tax exempt”, came the response.

“For whom?” I asked.

“For ______Methodist Church. I’m in charge of decorating the sanctuary”, came the reply.

Oh, My God. I should have known. It was only Saturday, and already the church people were out in force. What would Sunday hold?

Give The Man A Chance to Take A Crap!

Saturday July 12, 2008

Our store opens at 7:00am. I had just gotten to my register and was counting out my money when a man appeared. It was two minutes to seven—we weren’t “officially” open yet.

“Isn’t there anyone at the paint desk?” he asked.

“Yes, sir, he’ll be there in a couple of minutes”. I said.

The man just stared at me as I counted out my money. “Is he in the building?” he asked.

“Yes, sir, he’ll be right here”.

“Well, can’t you ‘page’ for him?”.

“Sir, he’s in the bathroom on the toilet. He’ll be here in just a minute”, I replied. I believe this to be true because as I left the break room on my way up to my register I thought I had seen the paint guy head to the restroom.

“Well, page him. I AM a customer!” he demanded.

That was enough. I said to the man, “Sir, it would be rude of me to page for a man who I know is on the toilet. Give him two minutes and he’ll be right up!”

“I’m not being rude!” he replied.

“No, Sir. I said that “it would be rude of ME” to page a man that I knew was on the toilet when I know he’ll be here in a minute”.

“Is there a manager here?”

“Yes, Sir.”
“Can I speak with him?”

“You sure can!” So the manager was called.

Give a man a break! Can’t you at least allow him to take a crap in peace. Your fucking paint job can wait a minute! Besides, you got here before the store opened anyway!

Who’s Going To Hell?

July 13, 2006

At work today a man came to the self-checkouts and wanted to write a check. We can’t accept a check without a street address and phone number on it. The man didn’t know his street address. It was a church and the man didn’t know what street it was on. He wrote that it was on the “corner of Wash. Pike”. I asked him to give us a real street name and he couldn’t—he WENT OFF !

“Why do you have an attitude with me? You’re being rude. This company needs a better bookkeeping system if you can’t tell me what my address is. I buy from your other store out East and they don’t ask for this information. I spend $33,000.00 a year at your stores! I’m the preacher at my church!”.

I stopped dead in his argument and asked, “YOU are a preacher at your church”. “Yes, I am”, he replied.

I turned away, put my hands to my face in prayer and said “Oh, My, God! Oh, My, God!”.

The preacher screamed, “DON”T YOU JUDGE ME!”.

I walked off and let our head cashier to deal with this maniac. So, this preacher just proved my theory: Most highly religious people are bigoted, hypocrites, who feel superior to everybody.

A By-Product of High Gas Prices

We had a man call our store and asked us a question. I know that gas prices are rising and everyone is trying to cut corners where possible, but the audacity of some people-- This customer lived in Oak Ridge (about 35 miles from us) and was building a house and had house plans that he wanted to take to them so they could figure up what his supplies would cost. He was calling from his cell phone. He was near our store and wanted to come by and drop off the house plans and have US deliver them to our Oak Ridge store! We asked him why he just didn’t drop them off when he got to Oak Ridge. “Oh, I’m not going straight home and I want them to get there soon. I don’t want to waste my gas driving back to Oak Ridge right now”. Well, we aren’t a delivery service and we don’t have the ability to do that. Perhaps he should call a Delivery Service provider. Such gall!

Post Haste

Working retail can be a headache. Customers will spend literally HOURS shopping for one or two items and when they get to the check-out lines they expect IMMEDIATE attention. They don’t want to be second in line, they want to be first or else. They can’t understand why they can’t just waltz out immediately because they are “in a hurry”. If you’re in such a hurry, then go do what you need to and come back when you have more time to shop.

Working retail and encountering the people one does, it’s frightening to think, “These people have the right to vote! And more importantly, they can Reproduce!”

Quick! I’ve Got To Get To The Hospital

A lady rushed in the store and asked where the ladders were. I told her they were on the other side of the store. She huffed, “Hell, I’m in a hurry. I called to see if you had any and I only have a few minutes. Can you send someone to get it for me. I’m headed to the hospital to visit my husband who’s in the ER and I need the ladder so I can paint my living room!”. Honest, that’s what she said!

I’m NOT Impressed

You can demand all you want, but, if we can’t do something, then we can’t do it. And if you think ripping up your company credit card in front of me is going to upset me—HELL NO! Here – let’s me give you a pair of scissors to help things move along faster. Then get the hell out of my store!

What seems to be your problem anyway? Don't you realize there are 6 BILLION people in this world who don't even know YOU exist?