"There's More To Worry About Than The Swine Flu !"
Well, today at work I realized that we have a lot more to fear than someone passing along Swine Flu on shopping cart handles. As I went to retrieve one of these necessary shopping devices I started to reach in and remove what I thought was a lonely piece of trash from inside the cart. I had to do a double-take: to my utter disgust there lay a USED BLOODY TAMPON--with string attached ! After holding back an urge to barf my breakfast, I called over a female worker to verify my fear; unfortunately I was correct in my conclusion. After covering it with several paper towels, wrapping my hand in our plastic shopping bag, I gently, but quickly retrieved the offensive object and flung it into the nearest trash bin. We sprayed the cart down thoroughly with a cloud of Lysol Disinfectant, and sat it out in the rain to let nature clean it thoroughly. Other employees quickly heard of my experience and we all speculated on just WHO had left his 'gift' and HOW had they done it and WHERE had it happened---did a customer require some kind of customer service in aisle 6 (plumbing) for assistance in relieving a clogged tube? Needless to say, the next time I run into Walmart I'm going to request a "Buggy Condom" to place over the entire cart--nothing else will ease my mind as to what might have been in THEIR carts. Swine Flu on shopping cart handles doesn't sound so bad anymore, does it?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
What do you think is going on here?
A man came into the store and bought the following items:
Two lawnmowers.
One chainsaw.
Two pairs of loppers (for cutting tree limbs).
Two hatchets.
One pull-saw
One large gas can.
One hundred and eighty rolls of packing tape.
He bought extended warranties on the power equipment.
When asked what he needed two lawnmowers for he said, "One is for my EX-wife".
When asked what he needed 180 rolls of packing tape for he said, "To wrap up my projects".
What do YOU think is going on here?
I don't even WANT to guess, myself.
P.S. He came in two days later and bought several boxes of LARGE sized, thick, contractor-type trash bags !
OH MY!
Two lawnmowers.
One chainsaw.
Two pairs of loppers (for cutting tree limbs).
Two hatchets.
One pull-saw
One large gas can.
One hundred and eighty rolls of packing tape.
He bought extended warranties on the power equipment.
When asked what he needed two lawnmowers for he said, "One is for my EX-wife".
When asked what he needed 180 rolls of packing tape for he said, "To wrap up my projects".
What do YOU think is going on here?
I don't even WANT to guess, myself.
P.S. He came in two days later and bought several boxes of LARGE sized, thick, contractor-type trash bags !
OH MY!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Letters To The Editor
News Sentinel
2332 News Sentinel Dr.
Knoxville, TN 37921-5761
“You Can’t Get There From Here Anymore”
Well, the so-called “Smart-Fix 40” project of TDOT is “officially” completed. However, you can’t get there from here anymore. As a resident of South Knoxville, I only used the James White Parkway to gain direct access to Broadway near Cecil Avenue; and, I would return to South Knoxville via James White Parkway at the same point. Neither of these routes now exists. Didn’t anyone notice that TDOT ‘conveniently’ ignored this major throughway when redesigning this intersection? Now to access Broadway from the South end via James White Parkway one must exit Hill Street, go to the top of Summit Drive, left on Summit, right on Hall of Fame, to the old North 5th Avenue having gone through 9 traffic lights, and a choice of 2 school zones, and four more roads, fighting downtown traffic—and adding about 10-20 minutes more depending on the time of day. And—the return trip from Broadway is impossible—unless you go 40 W, to 275 N, turn around at one of the exits, head back 275 S to 40 E and exit James White Parkway to South Knoxville ! Where’s the logic in this? Seems like those who live South of the river don’t matter to TDOT anymore. Well, I for one say, if you care so little about us in South Knoxville, then you can FORGET about extending James White Parkway to Chapman at John Sevier—because we won’t be able to get there from here anymore either !!!
P.S. (not to the editor) TDOT will probably add these on/off ramps when they want to extend James White Parkway--they will hold it over South Knoxville like a carrot on a stick--"Want to get to Broadway from here? Well....have we got a new road for you!"
News Sentinel
2332 News Sentinel Dr.
Knoxville, TN 37921-5761
“You Can’t Get There From Here Anymore”
Well, the so-called “Smart-Fix 40” project of TDOT is “officially” completed. However, you can’t get there from here anymore. As a resident of South Knoxville, I only used the James White Parkway to gain direct access to Broadway near Cecil Avenue; and, I would return to South Knoxville via James White Parkway at the same point. Neither of these routes now exists. Didn’t anyone notice that TDOT ‘conveniently’ ignored this major throughway when redesigning this intersection? Now to access Broadway from the South end via James White Parkway one must exit Hill Street, go to the top of Summit Drive, left on Summit, right on Hall of Fame, to the old North 5th Avenue having gone through 9 traffic lights, and a choice of 2 school zones, and four more roads, fighting downtown traffic—and adding about 10-20 minutes more depending on the time of day. And—the return trip from Broadway is impossible—unless you go 40 W, to 275 N, turn around at one of the exits, head back 275 S to 40 E and exit James White Parkway to South Knoxville ! Where’s the logic in this? Seems like those who live South of the river don’t matter to TDOT anymore. Well, I for one say, if you care so little about us in South Knoxville, then you can FORGET about extending James White Parkway to Chapman at John Sevier—because we won’t be able to get there from here anymore either !!!
P.S. (not to the editor) TDOT will probably add these on/off ramps when they want to extend James White Parkway--they will hold it over South Knoxville like a carrot on a stick--"Want to get to Broadway from here? Well....have we got a new road for you!"
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
And It's Not Even A Full Moon Yet
It’s not even a full moon and people are acting WEIRD! Yesterday a van pulled up in front of the business and parked near the front doors. A lady opened the door, pulled down her pants, stuck her butt out the door and urinated all over the sidewalk! She had to ‘go’ I guess—but, why not drive around the back or to the side; WHY out in FRONT?
Then a young jerk was at my register and spit out his ‘chaw’ in my trashcan. I said, “Don’t do that. I have to go through that trash at the end of the day. That’s just RUDE!” He sort of laughed and left. As he was leaving the building he took one last spit just outside the door on the sidewalk, probably wanting to make a point. Thus, proving beyond any doubt that he was an ignorant redneck jerk asshole.
And today—a man had gone back to have two five-gallon buckets of paint mixed; WM helped him. The man attempted to go behind the paint desk counter “to speed things along”, but WM told him that he couldn’t go back there because of insurance reasons. This didn’t sit too well with the customer. As he came to my register to check out he stepped up and immediately said, “I don’t like the attitude of THAT LITTLE HOMOSEXUAL that works in paint”. I said, “Sir, that’s an assumption on your part”. He chimed in, “Well, that’s what he is, a HOMOSEXUAL” (emphasis on a derogatory tone in his voice). I chimed in, “Well, sir, if you want to check out you’ll have to go somewhere else because I won’t help you”. “Where should I go?”, he asked. I had to hold my tongue, “Down to the other end”, as I walked away from this bigoted asshole.
And it’s not even a full moon!
Then a young jerk was at my register and spit out his ‘chaw’ in my trashcan. I said, “Don’t do that. I have to go through that trash at the end of the day. That’s just RUDE!” He sort of laughed and left. As he was leaving the building he took one last spit just outside the door on the sidewalk, probably wanting to make a point. Thus, proving beyond any doubt that he was an ignorant redneck jerk asshole.
And today—a man had gone back to have two five-gallon buckets of paint mixed; WM helped him. The man attempted to go behind the paint desk counter “to speed things along”, but WM told him that he couldn’t go back there because of insurance reasons. This didn’t sit too well with the customer. As he came to my register to check out he stepped up and immediately said, “I don’t like the attitude of THAT LITTLE HOMOSEXUAL that works in paint”. I said, “Sir, that’s an assumption on your part”. He chimed in, “Well, that’s what he is, a HOMOSEXUAL” (emphasis on a derogatory tone in his voice). I chimed in, “Well, sir, if you want to check out you’ll have to go somewhere else because I won’t help you”. “Where should I go?”, he asked. I had to hold my tongue, “Down to the other end”, as I walked away from this bigoted asshole.
And it’s not even a full moon!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
What Do You Give Someone Who Has Everything?
@1999 JHL
Looking for that hard-to-find Christmas or birthday gift for someone who seems to have everything; then look no further. Here’s a list of things you can give when you just don’t know….
1. His last rites.
2. An appointment to every specialist in the phone book.
3. An anonymous tip to the IRS hot line.
4. A letter to his wife explaining your delicate condition.
5. An invoice for running up gas prices with his fleet of SUV’s, boats, motor homes, etc.
6. A request for an environmental impact statement regarding his new golf course and swimming pool next to your septic tank.
7. A subpoena to court for monies owed you for your stress and emotional distress as you try to keep up with his life style.
8. A slap up the side of the head. Just ‘cause.
9. A vodka martini with a twist of arsenic.
10. A loverly bunch of coconuts stuffed down the toilets of his humongous mansion.
11. A TV show of his/her own so he/she can continue to let people know how much more money he/she has than anyone else alive.
12. A gratitude journal—volumes one through one hundred.
13. An Extreme Makeover, Home Edition where they just tear down his house and walk away.
14. An all-expenses paid trip to Ethiopia so he can see how the other half lives.
15. An appointment for a colonoscopy at the Jiffy Lube.
16. Forceps to remove his head from his ass.
17. Arrange to have Michael Jackson baby sit his kids.
18. An invoice for at least half the national debt.
19. Hack into his computer and sell all his stocks and bonds at a loss.
20. Arrange to have a worldwide boycott of any product any of his companies manufacture.
21. Send him a blackmail letter telling him you know where the second set of accounting books are hidden.
22. An extra helping of Ex-Lax in his birthday cupcake.
23. A bottle of whiskey with no bite, and a Rottweiler that will.
24. A boa constrictor with an affinity for a person with a big head.
25. A copy of a letter sent to the FAA, FBI, and ATF stating that they should be looking into that funny white powder found in his private jet.
Looking for that hard-to-find Christmas or birthday gift for someone who seems to have everything; then look no further. Here’s a list of things you can give when you just don’t know….
1. His last rites.
2. An appointment to every specialist in the phone book.
3. An anonymous tip to the IRS hot line.
4. A letter to his wife explaining your delicate condition.
5. An invoice for running up gas prices with his fleet of SUV’s, boats, motor homes, etc.
6. A request for an environmental impact statement regarding his new golf course and swimming pool next to your septic tank.
7. A subpoena to court for monies owed you for your stress and emotional distress as you try to keep up with his life style.
8. A slap up the side of the head. Just ‘cause.
9. A vodka martini with a twist of arsenic.
10. A loverly bunch of coconuts stuffed down the toilets of his humongous mansion.
11. A TV show of his/her own so he/she can continue to let people know how much more money he/she has than anyone else alive.
12. A gratitude journal—volumes one through one hundred.
13. An Extreme Makeover, Home Edition where they just tear down his house and walk away.
14. An all-expenses paid trip to Ethiopia so he can see how the other half lives.
15. An appointment for a colonoscopy at the Jiffy Lube.
16. Forceps to remove his head from his ass.
17. Arrange to have Michael Jackson baby sit his kids.
18. An invoice for at least half the national debt.
19. Hack into his computer and sell all his stocks and bonds at a loss.
20. Arrange to have a worldwide boycott of any product any of his companies manufacture.
21. Send him a blackmail letter telling him you know where the second set of accounting books are hidden.
22. An extra helping of Ex-Lax in his birthday cupcake.
23. A bottle of whiskey with no bite, and a Rottweiler that will.
24. A boa constrictor with an affinity for a person with a big head.
25. A copy of a letter sent to the FAA, FBI, and ATF stating that they should be looking into that funny white powder found in his private jet.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Some People Just Suck!
@1999 JHL
It’s amazing what people do. The more I work retail the more I realize people are just plain disgusting pigs! People just suck! I’ve come face-to-face and have first-hand experience with all of the following examples: YUCK!
1. Smokers who empty their auto ashtrays into the parking lot.
2. Those who throw out their fast-food trash anywhere but in a trash can.
3. Smokers who flick their butts in front of a business, only feet from a receptacle.
4. Men (and some women) who leave a full spit cup in a buggy (shopping cart) and don’t have the courtesy to empty it by themself.
5. Women (and some men) who place used baby diapers into a buggy (shopping cart) instead of properly disposing of it.
6. Men who don’t know how to flush a public toilet after use. I really would hate to see their own bathrooms.
7. Men who can’t wipe their own ass without getting shit all over the toilet and walls. Yuck! You suck big time!
8. Men who can’t direct a small stream of piss into a huge toilet bowl or hit a direct shot at very close range in a urinal. You’re just like children.
9. Anyone who doesn’t wash their hands after a bathroom visit. Filthy sucker.
10. Those who sneeze and cover their faces and then offer to shake your hand.
11. People who carry their money in the jock strap under their sweaty sweat pants and then reach in and take out wet money to pay for items.
12. Women who reach into their bras and take out money to pay for their items.
13. Customers returning items that require them to give you a driver’s license number and they show you an “ID Only” card because it says “DUI Offender” and then you see them get into a car and drive off. You sucking drunk! You should be in jail.
14. People who scream and yell because they think it will get them better service.
15. Ask any retail sales person and they will tell you that Sundays are the worse. It seems people have gone to church to be “cleansed” of their sins so they get out of church and begin a new “sin week” by cussing out any salesperson/waiter they encounter on Sundays. You sucking hypocrite.
16. People who think that by saying “I spend over $10,000.00 a year at this store and I demand you return this roll of masking tape that I don’t have a receipt for” will help them get cash instead of a store credit. Get over it. If every customer had ACTUALLY spent that much over the year we would certainly have more salespeople on the floor to help customers. And it always seems that the figure they all come up with is $10,000.00 !
17. People who “name drop” in hopes of getting something for nothing.
18. Employees who come into our store from another store of the same kind who demand to be treated differently from other customers just because they work for this company. It seems to me they should know the policies by heart.
19. Preachers who don’t get their way and scream and yell at you when you try to help them and get red in the face and yell at the top of their lungs “Don’t YOU judge ME!”.
20. People who pick up dead leaves on the side of the road or in their yard and return them for a refund because “This is all that’s left of my exotic $79.00 plant”. The leaves are usually from an oak or maple tree.
21. People who return one strip of the pull-type sticky fly paper for 49 cents because “It only caught one fly”. My goodness, how many files did you have? A plague’s worth? At least now you don’t have ANY! You sucking idiot!
22. I had a person return an item with a receipt that indicated the item was bought 2 weeks prior. The item looked well-used and at least 2 years old! I asked him if he was going to exchange it for another one and he said he had a new one. Well, of course! He had bought a new one, put the old one in the new package and returned the old one and got back his money on the new one.
23. How rude can you get? ! People with telephones stuck to the side of their heads carrying on personal conversations loud enough for everyone to hear thinking that others will think they are important. WRONG! We think you’re just stupid and YOU SUCK! I refuse to talk to or assist anyone who is also trying to talk on a cell phone at the same time.
24. People who bring dogs in to a store that clearly states on the entrance that “No Dog Allowed, Except Dog-Assistants”, and then let their dogs “do their business” on the floor and refuse to clean it up! You lazy sucking ass!
25. Parents who let their young kids run and play in a very large and busy store and have no idea where they are. Don’t they realize that’s how hundreds of kids are injured and/or kidnapped and murdered every year?
26. People who come into the store and purchase a “Gift Card” with a credit card; go outside and sell it to someone in the parking lot for cash; immediately call and cancel the charge with their credit card company so that the card now has a zero balance and the innocent person is stuck with nothing.
27. Customers are allowed to make comments on their purchases by responding to the web address on the bottom of their receipts. The following comment was left by one such customer. It speaks for itself. “ I was satisfied with the employees. Because of our government and its greed, it is effecting (sic) the prices and the consumer is now having difficulty being able to purchase the quality you have there which results in your stock selling more slowly. A Boston Tea Party might help in these days or for business and consumers to have a prayer day-united we stand in God and with Him we win over flesh and the enemy. God is not clowing (sic) around even though He had me to go shopping. I am one of His clown (sic) named ____ ___ ___ ___ from Tennessee. Amen”.
My goodness! And to think, these people get to VOTE and REPRODUCE!!
It’s amazing what people do. The more I work retail the more I realize people are just plain disgusting pigs! People just suck! I’ve come face-to-face and have first-hand experience with all of the following examples: YUCK!
1. Smokers who empty their auto ashtrays into the parking lot.
2. Those who throw out their fast-food trash anywhere but in a trash can.
3. Smokers who flick their butts in front of a business, only feet from a receptacle.
4. Men (and some women) who leave a full spit cup in a buggy (shopping cart) and don’t have the courtesy to empty it by themself.
5. Women (and some men) who place used baby diapers into a buggy (shopping cart) instead of properly disposing of it.
6. Men who don’t know how to flush a public toilet after use. I really would hate to see their own bathrooms.
7. Men who can’t wipe their own ass without getting shit all over the toilet and walls. Yuck! You suck big time!
8. Men who can’t direct a small stream of piss into a huge toilet bowl or hit a direct shot at very close range in a urinal. You’re just like children.
9. Anyone who doesn’t wash their hands after a bathroom visit. Filthy sucker.
10. Those who sneeze and cover their faces and then offer to shake your hand.
11. People who carry their money in the jock strap under their sweaty sweat pants and then reach in and take out wet money to pay for items.
12. Women who reach into their bras and take out money to pay for their items.
13. Customers returning items that require them to give you a driver’s license number and they show you an “ID Only” card because it says “DUI Offender” and then you see them get into a car and drive off. You sucking drunk! You should be in jail.
14. People who scream and yell because they think it will get them better service.
15. Ask any retail sales person and they will tell you that Sundays are the worse. It seems people have gone to church to be “cleansed” of their sins so they get out of church and begin a new “sin week” by cussing out any salesperson/waiter they encounter on Sundays. You sucking hypocrite.
16. People who think that by saying “I spend over $10,000.00 a year at this store and I demand you return this roll of masking tape that I don’t have a receipt for” will help them get cash instead of a store credit. Get over it. If every customer had ACTUALLY spent that much over the year we would certainly have more salespeople on the floor to help customers. And it always seems that the figure they all come up with is $10,000.00 !
17. People who “name drop” in hopes of getting something for nothing.
18. Employees who come into our store from another store of the same kind who demand to be treated differently from other customers just because they work for this company. It seems to me they should know the policies by heart.
19. Preachers who don’t get their way and scream and yell at you when you try to help them and get red in the face and yell at the top of their lungs “Don’t YOU judge ME!”.
20. People who pick up dead leaves on the side of the road or in their yard and return them for a refund because “This is all that’s left of my exotic $79.00 plant”. The leaves are usually from an oak or maple tree.
21. People who return one strip of the pull-type sticky fly paper for 49 cents because “It only caught one fly”. My goodness, how many files did you have? A plague’s worth? At least now you don’t have ANY! You sucking idiot!
22. I had a person return an item with a receipt that indicated the item was bought 2 weeks prior. The item looked well-used and at least 2 years old! I asked him if he was going to exchange it for another one and he said he had a new one. Well, of course! He had bought a new one, put the old one in the new package and returned the old one and got back his money on the new one.
23. How rude can you get? ! People with telephones stuck to the side of their heads carrying on personal conversations loud enough for everyone to hear thinking that others will think they are important. WRONG! We think you’re just stupid and YOU SUCK! I refuse to talk to or assist anyone who is also trying to talk on a cell phone at the same time.
24. People who bring dogs in to a store that clearly states on the entrance that “No Dog Allowed, Except Dog-Assistants”, and then let their dogs “do their business” on the floor and refuse to clean it up! You lazy sucking ass!
25. Parents who let their young kids run and play in a very large and busy store and have no idea where they are. Don’t they realize that’s how hundreds of kids are injured and/or kidnapped and murdered every year?
26. People who come into the store and purchase a “Gift Card” with a credit card; go outside and sell it to someone in the parking lot for cash; immediately call and cancel the charge with their credit card company so that the card now has a zero balance and the innocent person is stuck with nothing.
27. Customers are allowed to make comments on their purchases by responding to the web address on the bottom of their receipts. The following comment was left by one such customer. It speaks for itself. “ I was satisfied with the employees. Because of our government and its greed, it is effecting (sic) the prices and the consumer is now having difficulty being able to purchase the quality you have there which results in your stock selling more slowly. A Boston Tea Party might help in these days or for business and consumers to have a prayer day-united we stand in God and with Him we win over flesh and the enemy. God is not clowing (sic) around even though He had me to go shopping. I am one of His clown (sic) named ____ ___ ___ ___ from Tennessee. Amen”.
My goodness! And to think, these people get to VOTE and REPRODUCE!!
It Must Be Miserable Being You!
@1999 JHL
I see you everywhere. I encounter you where I work. I run into you on the street. All I can say is, “It must be miserable being you!”
You constantly complain that nothing goes right and that everybody is out to get you.
You seem to think it’s always somebody else’s fault, and not yours.
You can’t take responsibility for your own actions.
While driving you get angry that the person in front of you is going slow and you therefore tailgate them to “push” them forward. However, if you are going slow you get upset that the person behind YOU is tailgating you.
You don’t care if the glass if half full or half empty –you just want to drink it all no matter what’s in it.
You can’t decide if you are an “Eeyor” or a “Tigre”.
You are quick to judge others but you can’t see the staggering amount of faults in yourself.
You have nothing nice to say about anyone or anything.
If that’s how you see life, then it must really be miserable being you.
I see you everywhere. I encounter you where I work. I run into you on the street. All I can say is, “It must be miserable being you!”
You constantly complain that nothing goes right and that everybody is out to get you.
You seem to think it’s always somebody else’s fault, and not yours.
You can’t take responsibility for your own actions.
While driving you get angry that the person in front of you is going slow and you therefore tailgate them to “push” them forward. However, if you are going slow you get upset that the person behind YOU is tailgating you.
You don’t care if the glass if half full or half empty –you just want to drink it all no matter what’s in it.
You can’t decide if you are an “Eeyor” or a “Tigre”.
You are quick to judge others but you can’t see the staggering amount of faults in yourself.
You have nothing nice to say about anyone or anything.
If that’s how you see life, then it must really be miserable being you.
The New Math?
@1989 JHL
Friends, Romans, Countrymen
Roman Numerals are fascinating. A single letter can stand for a very large number. For example: “M” stands for one thousand (1,000). A single letter that says so much. Here’s one to contemplate.
3,000.00 soldiers killed in Iraq
plus + 4.00 price per gallon of gasoline
plus + 150.00 % cost of living increase
plus + 25.00 % tax increase
plus + 3.5 TRILLION increase in the National Debt
equals = “W” as in George W. Bush
I guess it’s the new math.
Friends, Romans, Countrymen
Roman Numerals are fascinating. A single letter can stand for a very large number. For example: “M” stands for one thousand (1,000). A single letter that says so much. Here’s one to contemplate.
3,000.00 soldiers killed in Iraq
plus + 4.00 price per gallon of gasoline
plus + 150.00 % cost of living increase
plus + 25.00 % tax increase
plus + 3.5 TRILLION increase in the National Debt
equals = “W” as in George W. Bush
I guess it’s the new math.
@ 1988 JHL
You’re Just An Idiot If…
1. …you wear your pants so low you can see your kneecaps; however, you might make new friends in prison.
2. …you dye your hair in a color which doesn’t exist normally in nature.
3. …you expect full service at a self-service gas station or do-it-yourself hardware / warehouse store.
4. …you still think rude behavior is a sign of sophistication or status.
5. …you can’t remember if you wiped after your last trip to the bathroom -- and you still smell like “ass”.
6. …you try to run red lights just because you’re in such a hurry to get where you’re going. Are you that much in a hurry to die or kill someone else?
7. …you still haven’t learned how to flush a public toilet.
8. …you think it’s okay to empty your ashtray from your car onto a parking lot or beside the road.
9. …you can’t drive or walk down the street without a phone stuck in your ear.
10. …you think you can be rude to any salesperson on Sunday after church since you’ve been cleansed of your sins and it is now the start of a new “sin week” -- after all, there is a quota, isn’t there?
11. …you think a Canadian goose is a pinch on the butt by someone from Montreal.
12. …you think you’re so important to the other six billion people in the world.
13. …your IQ and the number of the highest-grade level you completed are equal.
14. …it takes you more than 3 attempts to: parallel park; enter your pin number; remember your zip code; count to 10 without starting over or repeating yourself; or walk a straight line on the side of the highway.
15. …you never learned to use your turn signals properly.
16. …you drink and drive.
17. …you’re a bigot.
18. …you use the Bible as a weapon.
19. …you judge others, “least ye be judged”.
20. …you think your sexual preference is the only one allowed.
21. …you can’t remember the names of all the people you’ve pissed off.
22. …you can’t remember the names of all the people you’ve slept with.
23. …what you demand of others you lack in yourself.
24. …you treat your partner like a servant when your favorite TV show/sport/game is on.
25. …you demand perfections from others and not yourself.
26. …your opinion sounds just like everybody else’s.
27. …you think your place of employment would have to shut their doors if you ever called in sick.
28. …your ego is so big it can’t be contained in a thimble.
29. …your pet attempts suicide to get away from you.
30. …your pet cowers in the corner when you get home.
31. …your kids cower in the corner when you get home.
32. …you think the only good use for your two hands is to choke the crap out of somebody.
33. …you appear more than once on the TV show “Cops”.
34. …you appear at all on “Jerry Springer”.
35. …you believe everything you see on “Jerry Springer” is the God’s honest truth.
36. …more than one member of your family could be the father to your girlfriend’s baby.
37. …you applaud every time someone speaks of the “fun” side of drinking and drugs.
38. …you think alcohol and drugs are good excuses for bad behavior.
39. …you try to make up your mind but there’s nothing there to make up.
40. …you believe your indecisiveness is a sure sign of power.
41. …you’re consistently 15 minutes late wherever you go -- why don’t you just get up 15 minutes earlier?
42. …your excuses for not doing something right exceed your ability to do it right the first time.
43. …you believe that “hooting and hollering” is what it takes to “make it a party, dude”.
44. …you can’t comprehend what “comprehend” means.
45. …you can’t accept someone else’s understanding of their own reality simply because you haven’t experienced the same things they have.
46. …your idea of “justice” means you’ve won and they’ve lost.
47. …you think it’s okay to ask God to kill your enemies for you, or make their lives miserable.
48. …you blame others for your inabilities.
49. …you had no choice to start drinking or taking drugs and therefore have no choice but to continue using.
50. …you’re not to blame for your actions while drunk or under the influence of drugs.
51. …you believe your religion is the one true religion.
52. …you think you deserve respect just because you may have a lot of money.
53. …you can’t believe God’s power is greater than you can imagine in His creation of other Earth-like worlds in the vast universe.
54. …you are close-minded to all possibilities beyond your own grasp.
55. …you believe that no one could possibly understand the problems you are going through.
56. …your life has to be a soap opera to have meaning or excitement.
57. …you can’t talk about any subject except “gossip”.
58. …you know more about your neighbor’s problems than your own.
59. …you think the world deserves to provide for you simply because you’ve reached the age where you’ve stopped pooping your pants.
60. …your only close friends are those you’ve never met in person via the internet.
61. …being a jerk is your claim to fame.
62. …you think being a good listener means that others must agree with your ideas or suggestions.
63. …your entire life story is based on lies.
64. …other’s definition of who “you” are and your own definition of who “you” are, are polar opposites.
65. …you think the rest of the world really cares.
66. …you think your shit doesn’t stink, asshole.
You’re Just An Idiot If…
1. …you wear your pants so low you can see your kneecaps; however, you might make new friends in prison.
2. …you dye your hair in a color which doesn’t exist normally in nature.
3. …you expect full service at a self-service gas station or do-it-yourself hardware / warehouse store.
4. …you still think rude behavior is a sign of sophistication or status.
5. …you can’t remember if you wiped after your last trip to the bathroom -- and you still smell like “ass”.
6. …you try to run red lights just because you’re in such a hurry to get where you’re going. Are you that much in a hurry to die or kill someone else?
7. …you still haven’t learned how to flush a public toilet.
8. …you think it’s okay to empty your ashtray from your car onto a parking lot or beside the road.
9. …you can’t drive or walk down the street without a phone stuck in your ear.
10. …you think you can be rude to any salesperson on Sunday after church since you’ve been cleansed of your sins and it is now the start of a new “sin week” -- after all, there is a quota, isn’t there?
11. …you think a Canadian goose is a pinch on the butt by someone from Montreal.
12. …you think you’re so important to the other six billion people in the world.
13. …your IQ and the number of the highest-grade level you completed are equal.
14. …it takes you more than 3 attempts to: parallel park; enter your pin number; remember your zip code; count to 10 without starting over or repeating yourself; or walk a straight line on the side of the highway.
15. …you never learned to use your turn signals properly.
16. …you drink and drive.
17. …you’re a bigot.
18. …you use the Bible as a weapon.
19. …you judge others, “least ye be judged”.
20. …you think your sexual preference is the only one allowed.
21. …you can’t remember the names of all the people you’ve pissed off.
22. …you can’t remember the names of all the people you’ve slept with.
23. …what you demand of others you lack in yourself.
24. …you treat your partner like a servant when your favorite TV show/sport/game is on.
25. …you demand perfections from others and not yourself.
26. …your opinion sounds just like everybody else’s.
27. …you think your place of employment would have to shut their doors if you ever called in sick.
28. …your ego is so big it can’t be contained in a thimble.
29. …your pet attempts suicide to get away from you.
30. …your pet cowers in the corner when you get home.
31. …your kids cower in the corner when you get home.
32. …you think the only good use for your two hands is to choke the crap out of somebody.
33. …you appear more than once on the TV show “Cops”.
34. …you appear at all on “Jerry Springer”.
35. …you believe everything you see on “Jerry Springer” is the God’s honest truth.
36. …more than one member of your family could be the father to your girlfriend’s baby.
37. …you applaud every time someone speaks of the “fun” side of drinking and drugs.
38. …you think alcohol and drugs are good excuses for bad behavior.
39. …you try to make up your mind but there’s nothing there to make up.
40. …you believe your indecisiveness is a sure sign of power.
41. …you’re consistently 15 minutes late wherever you go -- why don’t you just get up 15 minutes earlier?
42. …your excuses for not doing something right exceed your ability to do it right the first time.
43. …you believe that “hooting and hollering” is what it takes to “make it a party, dude”.
44. …you can’t comprehend what “comprehend” means.
45. …you can’t accept someone else’s understanding of their own reality simply because you haven’t experienced the same things they have.
46. …your idea of “justice” means you’ve won and they’ve lost.
47. …you think it’s okay to ask God to kill your enemies for you, or make their lives miserable.
48. …you blame others for your inabilities.
49. …you had no choice to start drinking or taking drugs and therefore have no choice but to continue using.
50. …you’re not to blame for your actions while drunk or under the influence of drugs.
51. …you believe your religion is the one true religion.
52. …you think you deserve respect just because you may have a lot of money.
53. …you can’t believe God’s power is greater than you can imagine in His creation of other Earth-like worlds in the vast universe.
54. …you are close-minded to all possibilities beyond your own grasp.
55. …you believe that no one could possibly understand the problems you are going through.
56. …your life has to be a soap opera to have meaning or excitement.
57. …you can’t talk about any subject except “gossip”.
58. …you know more about your neighbor’s problems than your own.
59. …you think the world deserves to provide for you simply because you’ve reached the age where you’ve stopped pooping your pants.
60. …your only close friends are those you’ve never met in person via the internet.
61. …being a jerk is your claim to fame.
62. …you think being a good listener means that others must agree with your ideas or suggestions.
63. …your entire life story is based on lies.
64. …other’s definition of who “you” are and your own definition of who “you” are, are polar opposites.
65. …you think the rest of the world really cares.
66. …you think your shit doesn’t stink, asshole.
The More I Work Retail, The More I Hate People! @2003 JHL
The More I Work Retail,
The More I HATE People !
The more I work in the retail industry the more I see what people are really like out in public. And it’s not a pretty sight.
Impatient
People are so impatient. Everybody seems to want things “NOW!” Heaven help them if they had to wait over 60 seconds for anything. Take any checkout line at any store; and especially the new “user-friendly” self-checkout lines at grocery and other stores—sacrilege! I’ve heard comments such as “I hate these things, I want a REAL human being to wait on me”; “I’m not going to pick it out and then ring it up myself, I expect someone else to do it for me”; “If I can’t have a person help me I’ll just go somewhere else” (and wait in yet another line?); “I don’t use self-check outs and I don’t go to cafeterias because I want to be waited on”. I bet they all wish they had someone to wipe their asses for them, too. I really think the problem is “Intelligence” here. It seems men in particular HATE self-check outs because they are afraid of the “machine”—they don’t’ want to look ridiculous because they can’t comprehend how to work the damn things. And women! They talk back to the lady’s voice. I’m sure companies have spent millions of dollars trying to get the soft-spoken, perfect intonation, perfect wording, perfect accented lady to do the voice for those machines—and the money is shot all to hell when the female customers talk back to the “bitch” who won’t shut up “talking” at them. I’ve literally heard women talk back to the machines and walk away saying “she’s a real bitch isn’t she?” Imagine that—a bitchy machine. Women just don’t want to be outdone by another woman—real or not. Bring it down a notch or two and relax; be patient.
People are in such a hurry on the highways. Have you noticed the increase in Red-Light-Runners in the last few years. Used to, you would never see anyone run a red light. Now you have to see that every car doesn’t run it. And now we’re spending millions of dollars installing intersection cameras to catch these red-light-runners—these impatient people. And watch out for the guy tail-gating you because you aren’t going fast enough to suit him. Or the slowpoke you are tailgating because he’s going to slow for you. Why don’t you just pull over and rest a bit—you shouldn’t be that emotionally involved in driving anyway. Be patient.
And fast-food restaurants and regular sit-down restaurants. I’ve actually seen people’s eyes glaze over as they wait for their food, with their mouths salivating in anticipation. People actually resort to being “animals” when food is concerned. And heaven help the poor waiter/server who gets the order wrong—it’s death by humiliation and ridicule. Such civilized people aren’t we. Most of us don’t get to join in the hunt for the food, or the preparation of it. We just expect it to be ready when WE want it to be ready. Fortunately most of us don’t have to hunt and kill our own food anymore—we’ve become lazy, so we expect others to do all the dirty work and then serve us up a plate full—like we are all kings of the jungle. I think people would love to see a new breed of cattle—one that feeds itself, slaughters itself, prepares itself and delivers itself to our table—just cut out the middle men altogether. Direct-delivery food. You’re eating so fast anyway, do you actually TASTE what you’re eating? Or, is it just “open the mouth and past the gums, look out stomach here it comes”? Why not try CHEWING your food—you might realize you don’t actually like what you’re eating—and perhaps you won’t eat as much and lose some weight, huh?
If there was a national crisis in this country people would KILL each other if they had to wait in any line longer than 60 seconds—gas, food, water, clothing, cigarettes, beer, arsenic--ANYTHING! We are all in such a hurry—hurry up and die seems to be our motto. There’s not enough time in the day to be waited on and served. Where do we find the time to live? We’re so much in a hurry to get through and finish.
Try a little patience. Speed isn’t everything. If you slow down you may find you might actually be living LONGER!
Church Lady
December 1, 2007
While working at the returns desk at a do-it-yourself warehouse store, a group of two ladies and a gentleman came up to the Service Desk. The older lady said she had special-ordered 16 small poinsettias and had received a call from the lady in the garden department that they had arrived. The lady at the Service Desk checked on her computer to locate the poinsettias but couldn’t find their location listed. The lady was irate.
Since I could hear the lady’s yelling from 25 feet away I went over to see if I could help. I told the service desk lady that when I arrived this morning I saw a box marked “Perishable—Live Plants” and that the garden person had moved it. Unfortunately our garden associate was at lunch at this particular time of the day.
The service desk person called an associate to find the box. All the time the lady was yelling and demanding service. As our new associate walked off to look for the box, the lady caught up to him and yelled, “Where are my flowers?”
This associate politely said, “I’m trying to find them for you.”
The lady replied, shaking a pointed finger in his face, “NO! You won’t TRY, you WILL find my flowers!”
Well, he did manage to locate the box. The group came up to my register to check out. The lady told me she wanted to look in the box and see her flowers. I opened the box and noticed that there appeared to be more than 16 in the box and said so.
“NO! I only want 16!” she yelled.
“Well, Mamm ’m thinking we had to order a minimum of 24 in order to get your 16”.
“But, I only want 16!”
“Well, just pick out 16 and leave the rest”, I said as I started to reach in and take out the plants.
“DON”T CRUSH THEM!” she yelled.
I hadn’t even touched the first flower.
“They have to be PERFECT!” she demanded.
I replied, “Then, why don’t you pick out the ones you consider perfect and we’ll just leave the rest”.
“I want the box they came in!”
I agreed to let her have the box.
She continued, “I’m going to call your garden associate on Monday and order some 8” poinsettias and they must be perfect, AND they MUST, MUST be in gold foil, not this green stuff”.
I told her I would let our garden associate know this new information.
The customer pulled every one of the 24 plants out of the box and looked each one over carefully and managed to select 16 she liked. I didn’t dare try to put the selected plants back into the box—she and her friend did that as I began to ring up the sale.
“This will be tax exempt”, came the response.
“For whom?” I asked.
“For ______Methodist Church. I’m in charge of decorating the sanctuary”, came the reply.
Oh, My God. I should have known. It was only Saturday, and already the church people were out in force. What would Sunday hold?
Give The Man A Chance to Take A Crap!
Saturday July 12, 2008
Our store opens at 7:00am. I had just gotten to my register and was counting out my money when a man appeared. It was two minutes to seven—we weren’t “officially” open yet.
“Isn’t there anyone at the paint desk?” he asked.
“Yes, sir, he’ll be there in a couple of minutes”. I said.
The man just stared at me as I counted out my money. “Is he in the building?” he asked.
“Yes, sir, he’ll be right here”.
“Well, can’t you ‘page’ for him?”.
“Sir, he’s in the bathroom on the toilet. He’ll be here in just a minute”, I replied. I believe this to be true because as I left the break room on my way up to my register I thought I had seen the paint guy head to the restroom.
“Well, page him. I AM a customer!” he demanded.
That was enough. I said to the man, “Sir, it would be rude of me to page for a man who I know is on the toilet. Give him two minutes and he’ll be right up!”
“I’m not being rude!” he replied.
“No, Sir. I said that “it would be rude of ME” to page a man that I knew was on the toilet when I know he’ll be here in a minute”.
“Is there a manager here?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Can I speak with him?”
“You sure can!” So the manager was called.
Give a man a break! Can’t you at least allow him to take a crap in peace. Your fucking paint job can wait a minute! Besides, you got here before the store opened anyway!
Who’s Going To Hell?
July 13, 2006
At work today a man came to the self-checkouts and wanted to write a check. We can’t accept a check without a street address and phone number on it. The man didn’t know his street address. It was a church and the man didn’t know what street it was on. He wrote that it was on the “corner of Wash. Pike”. I asked him to give us a real street name and he couldn’t—he WENT OFF !
“Why do you have an attitude with me? You’re being rude. This company needs a better bookkeeping system if you can’t tell me what my address is. I buy from your other store out East and they don’t ask for this information. I spend $33,000.00 a year at your stores! I’m the preacher at my church!”.
I stopped dead in his argument and asked, “YOU are a preacher at your church”. “Yes, I am”, he replied.
I turned away, put my hands to my face in prayer and said “Oh, My, God! Oh, My, God!”.
The preacher screamed, “DON”T YOU JUDGE ME!”.
I walked off and let our head cashier to deal with this maniac. So, this preacher just proved my theory: Most highly religious people are bigoted, hypocrites, who feel superior to everybody.
A By-Product of High Gas Prices
We had a man call our store and asked us a question. I know that gas prices are rising and everyone is trying to cut corners where possible, but the audacity of some people-- This customer lived in Oak Ridge (about 35 miles from us) and was building a house and had house plans that he wanted to take to them so they could figure up what his supplies would cost. He was calling from his cell phone. He was near our store and wanted to come by and drop off the house plans and have US deliver them to our Oak Ridge store! We asked him why he just didn’t drop them off when he got to Oak Ridge. “Oh, I’m not going straight home and I want them to get there soon. I don’t want to waste my gas driving back to Oak Ridge right now”. Well, we aren’t a delivery service and we don’t have the ability to do that. Perhaps he should call a Delivery Service provider. Such gall!
Post Haste
Working retail can be a headache. Customers will spend literally HOURS shopping for one or two items and when they get to the check-out lines they expect IMMEDIATE attention. They don’t want to be second in line, they want to be first or else. They can’t understand why they can’t just waltz out immediately because they are “in a hurry”. If you’re in such a hurry, then go do what you need to and come back when you have more time to shop.
Working retail and encountering the people one does, it’s frightening to think, “These people have the right to vote! And more importantly, they can Reproduce!”
Quick! I’ve Got To Get To The Hospital
A lady rushed in the store and asked where the ladders were. I told her they were on the other side of the store. She huffed, “Hell, I’m in a hurry. I called to see if you had any and I only have a few minutes. Can you send someone to get it for me. I’m headed to the hospital to visit my husband who’s in the ER and I need the ladder so I can paint my living room!”. Honest, that’s what she said!
I’m NOT Impressed
You can demand all you want, but, if we can’t do something, then we can’t do it. And if you think ripping up your company credit card in front of me is going to upset me—HELL NO! Here – let’s me give you a pair of scissors to help things move along faster. Then get the hell out of my store!
What seems to be your problem anyway? Don't you realize there are 6 BILLION people in this world who don't even know YOU exist?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Stop Chase Bank
@2009 JHL
Without warning, though they said "we sent you the information", Chase Bank started adding a $10.00 maintenance fee to my credit card account, raised the 3.99% interest rate to 7.99%, raised the minimum monthly payment from $147.00 to $399.00!!! I called and asked them why, in this economy, they feel inclined to double their interest rates and more than double their monthly payments when THOUSANDS of people are losing their jobs, interest rates are at their lowest in history, and everyone is struggling to just 'get by', and why add a "maintenance fee" when their interest rate is so high to begin with. They basically said, "because we can". This is morally reprehensible. Tell all your friends to beware of Chase Bank and their practices. They obviously are out to get all the money they can, and could care less about their customers. As soon as I get this account paid off I will NO LONGER HAVE DEALINGS WITH CHASE BANK OR IT'S AFFILIATES! PERIOD! If we ALL do this then let's see how long CHASE can stay in business!
Without warning, though they said "we sent you the information", Chase Bank started adding a $10.00 maintenance fee to my credit card account, raised the 3.99% interest rate to 7.99%, raised the minimum monthly payment from $147.00 to $399.00!!! I called and asked them why, in this economy, they feel inclined to double their interest rates and more than double their monthly payments when THOUSANDS of people are losing their jobs, interest rates are at their lowest in history, and everyone is struggling to just 'get by', and why add a "maintenance fee" when their interest rate is so high to begin with. They basically said, "because we can". This is morally reprehensible. Tell all your friends to beware of Chase Bank and their practices. They obviously are out to get all the money they can, and could care less about their customers. As soon as I get this account paid off I will NO LONGER HAVE DEALINGS WITH CHASE BANK OR IT'S AFFILIATES! PERIOD! If we ALL do this then let's see how long CHASE can stay in business!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)